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So when are you having the next one?

January 18, 2012

Just mere seconds before…

…my life changed forever..

I get asked this question ALL the time. You probably know how it goes. First with “When are you getting married?” and then “When are you having kids?”. And when you do have kids you will get asked “When are you having the next one?” again and again until you are probably old enough to be in a retirement home with great great grand-kids unable to answer anything cohesively.

It does get tiring to answer with the same line (“I’m not sure, we will see how it goes, trying to deal with one first”) but I do admit I’m feeling a bit of pressure to really think about when I will try again for Baby number 2. As you probably know, the good ol’ line “Well you aren’t getting any younger” comes up pretty regularly too.

Now that I have confessed that I do indeed want more children, I’m not sure when will be the ‘best time’. I guess I should have learnt the first time around, that there is no such thing as ‘best time’. It just happened.

I still feel like I’m stumbling my way through to motherhood and to bring another baby in the mix will surely mean chaos. I’m also enjoying work and the fact that I’m making my own money again.

Pregnancy was a novelty, but I didn’t like it. I had no glow and was uncomfortable most of the time. And not being able to wear 70% of my wardrobe was torture. To go through all that again (and this time without the novelty factor) isn’t exactly appealing.

So these are some reasons to why I would want to wait a little bit longer.

But when I look back at old photos of Lily and see how much she has grown and how far we as parents have come I do get clucky. Going through the whole experience of a baby’s first year is a wonderful, liberating and precious moment – and it is just that…a moment. Because before you know it, they aren’t babies anymore and are busy running laps around you shouting “Mummy Mummy” at the top of their lungs. And you think “Where the hell did the first year go??”

And the idea of having a sibling close in age would be cool for Lily too. A sister or brother will hopefully mean a close friend for life. Many happy moments to be shared together. And memories made. All which will come up again again in future conversations – over laughter and hopefully with some good wine.

Lily was born in the year of the Tiger and this year will be the year of the Dragon. Two ferocious and assertive animals. Who knows what this year will bring?

What gap do you think is ‘just right’ for your (future) kids?

10 Comments leave one →
  1. Melissa permalink
    January 19, 2012 5:05 am

    Hi, I officially hate the question “So when are you going to have a baby?” because really what to people want the answer to be? I think the only answer people want to hear is. “I’m pregnant”.
    I have not enjoyed the state of my uterus being up for public discussion. Mainly because I have been trying…..and when I finally got pregnant I had a miscarriage…..Now the question just stings even more.

  2. EmmieGemmie permalink
    January 19, 2012 9:04 am

    I’ve been getting asked this a lot lately too! I’m like are you serious I’ve JUST HAD a baby.. Oh hang on I guess it was nearly a year ago.. But it’s still very fresh in my mind and I don’t feel ready to be pregnant again yet- I’m still trying to lose my baby weight from the last time! I do feel some pressure though, lots of the girls from my mthrs grp are trying, or already pregnant! My MIL made a few comments at Xmas about having a new baby to play with next Xmas..ummm NO. I only want 2 kids so next one will be my last.. So I want to enjoy the one I’ve got now, and wait until I’m in a place where I would savour being pregnant and having a newborn again.

  3. January 19, 2012 9:08 am

    I feel exactly the same way as you!
    My husband and I have been together for 9 years this year, married for 4 and we always get asked those questions. My parents and in-laws desperately want grand kids but I really don’t want to when I’m not mentally there yet.
    I’d love to have 2 kids close in age but I’m still enjoying my work & being just the two of us for now. Who knows, maybe next year will be our year?

    Oh and I was also born on the year of the Tiger ^_^ Go Lily!

    • January 19, 2012 9:10 am

      Forgot to mention the photo of Lily is just beautiful.
      That must’ve been such an amazing moment for you & your husband to have finally met her!

  4. January 19, 2012 10:12 am

    It’s a tough question! I had three and a half years between my first two, not intentionally I had problems in between, then another 12 years before Eve. I will mention that the recommendation is that there should be two years between pregnancies for you bodies sake but five years or longer can also be a problem. Ideally if I were to choose a spacing I’d try 2 years before starting to try again. But everyone is different there’s no right answer.

  5. January 19, 2012 11:43 am

    It’s amazing how often we get asked! To be honest, with our second child, we had no choice as we accidentally fell pregnant when our firstborn was only six months old! It’s been pretty chaotic ever since but I’m glad that fate took care of the decision for us, because I can be pretty indecisive. But I think we’re done….. for now! Never say never!

  6. January 20, 2012 10:07 am

    gah I hate this question! people are no tact sometimes! I am sooo happy with just one kiddo at the moment and in no rush for a 2nd anytime soon! That said we want a 2nd but we are leaning towards a larger age gap though like 4-5 years! Our thoughts are that T will be at school so we’ll have more time to spend with the second!

    Also, as T was a surprise I want to plan the next one and savour everything about being pregnant! I must not be ready for a 2nd because a few of my mothers group and some close friends have announced their pregnant and whilst some of the other mums got all clucky I was felt relieved it wasn’t me! haha

  7. Popsi permalink
    January 20, 2012 9:58 pm

    For us, we only started trying for our first child after I just had a feeling, a compulsion to start a family. For the second child (which should arrive approx 3 months from now!) it was the same thing. All feelings and circumstances just fell into place. My older boy will be almost 3.5 when the next boy comes along. Hope it works out for ya!

  8. January 20, 2012 10:36 pm

    Melissa – I’m really sorry to hear about your miscarriage 😦

    Our bodies, whether we are trying or not, are a private matter, but there seems to not be a big stigma about asking people about babies even after a few minutes of meeting each other. It’s like people don’t connect babies to falling pregnant which is related to sex, private parts, uteruses, hormones, IVF, sperm – not topics people would feel comfortable talking about all the time…

  9. January 20, 2012 10:44 pm

    Thanks for your comments everyone. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one sick of getting asked all the time. It also shows how we all have different circumstances and preferences but yet get asked the same question!

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